All About NAMM

By Michael Rootes

Telecaster Heaven

Hi All,

This month The Metro Gnome street team hit the road in a big way. Yep, we piled into a plane (never a safe thing for musicians, especially the guitar playing type) and headed to the NAMM Show in Anaheim California.

Well, instead of writing a thousand reviews of every guitar we saw at the show, I'm just going to try and give the layman's view of the event and the experience in general. So here we go.

Welcome to the Line Simulator

It was balmy January day in Southern California - warm for winter, but probably normal for Southern California. We ventured out of our hotel and headed over to the Anaheim Convention Centre to begin the NAMM experience. As we got closer to the venue the crowd started to multiply at a geometric rate. As the entrance came into view so did the line simulator. You see NAMM is a trade only show, no public allowed. You pre-register prior to the show and on day one you rock up (no pun intended) and collect your laminated entry pass. The catch is so do 50,000 other people. As you break into a sweat from overhearing people quoting a 2 hour wait in the line. (For a 2 hour line I'm expecting a roller coaster from hell at the end of it, not just a lousy laminated pass, but that's the deal, get over it, do your time.) Once you do get your pass you have the glorious opportunity of running up and down the line you just spent 2 hours in tormenting the wretched souls who are still in the line. Note: This can be dangerous as some people have no sense of humor.

I'm In, I'm In

Ok, mission accomplished, we are in. As first timers to this event we all had the same initial reaction, it was a simple case of being absolutely overwhelmed by the size of the venue and the number of products on display. To give you an idea, pick up a guitar magazine, see the multitude of adds from every manufacturer on the planet, yep it's at NAMM - all of it. Think of any musical product you may have heard of, seen a picture of... just find that manufacturers stand and Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt (or private part if you are of the female persuasion), but I digress (note: happens a lot... Editor).

Paul Reed Smith

We sensibly decided to make a plan of attack, set out our goals, where should we meet etc. Our leader was laying down the law, you know it was the, "We are here on business !! and have the following tasks to complete" routine.

Oops! Too late. I'm off! I've already seen 5 things I'd sell my soul to the devil for (unfortunately I sold this particular item years ago for very little return). My head was turning one way, the legs were going the other, full on kid in the candy store routine happening. Business out the window, The Metro Gnome leader brushed, see ya, I'm off to attack the toys.

Stars on Thars (Just see Sylvester Mc Monkey Mc Bean)

Yep the title is cryptic; it's an obscure reference. (The Metro Gnome is giving away a Les Paul custom to anyone who identifies the reference.... Oh look, Wendy just passed out from terror....)

Let me explain. NAMM has a coloured tag system which is really a just a social structure and pecking order. If you want to get attention get a laminated BLUE tag. BLUE tags = 1 thing. You are a buyer!!!

The Metro Gnome crew had the lowly Yellow Tag, the "Non-Exhibiting Company" badge a.k.a. "probably not a buyer, but maybe, so pay attention to them until a genuine BLUE tag comes along."

We were treated very politely, BUT (and it's a heavy BUT) as soon as a buyer turned up we were discarded like a soiled piece of toilet paper. And at the end of the day, who can blame them?

Toys! Toys! Toys! (Most are Noisy and Some are Pointy... I Like Pointy)

Yeah, as mentioned above it's all at NAMM. Guitars of all manor, electric, acoustic, combinations there of, amps, racks, recording stuff, mics, PA's, effects, standard stuff, custom shop stuff, art guitars, every type of accessory you can think of, drums, keyboards, wind instruments, basically anything you can play or plug in to. Personal favs... electric piano accordions through high gain amps and porno stars. Hey, I saw both at the show, just not on the same stand at the same time... well there's always next year. In reference to the title.... Yeah, flashy stuff is back.

Warning !!! Inserting Subjective Personal Pointless Rant Here!

Proof of Pointy

Ok - we all love Strats and Les Pauls, arguably most electric guitars fall into one category or another (if you disagree, write to me on The Musician's Forum - I'll shoot you down, but I'm open for the challenge). The most apparent thing I saw in electric guitars is that pointy is back. Apart from the standard fare brands and models (you know the ones, well respected, well made and conservative in look) there were a lot of extroverted instruments. Yes, their appeal is selective, but great to see some variation out there for all styles. If by chance you were planning to form a Finnish Death Metal Band, well there were plenty of instruments on display there for you. There was a googleplex of flashy instruments, things that stepped out of the usual box.

Thank God for that, 'cause from 1993 onwards we have had the most regressive (and hey I'll say it) boring guitars of all time have been produced. The 70's and particularly the 80's was a quantum leap forward in guitar technique and build technology. Next thing we know the Stormtroopers from Seattle with their music-to-kill-yourself-by invaded everything for a period of time. Note to Grunge: Good production, playing your instrument well, melody, harmony and guitar solos are a good thing. Ahhhh, I've got to let this go.... My therapist says I'm getting better with every session.

Back to NAMM.

High Level B.S. Scores Tickets

"Hi I'm Phil McCavity, I've always loved your slides that double as condoms, been playing and using them for years for years and would like to get into distribution of said product in Upper Mongolia."

As stupid as this sounds, if you can pull off the lies, welcome to some gigs from hell. Tickets are coming your way and it's free. We are not talking Joe Shit and the Buckets here, but world class talent, in mostly excellent venues within easy reach of your Anaheim hotel.

Important note: Long Beach is no where near Anaheim, and it costs about the same price in a cab to get to and from as the GDP of a small African nation.... Yeah, I found out the hard way, but the gig was free... Woo Hoo!

Distorted by Cabo Wabo

Cabo Wabo

Simple rule, musos need alcohol to live, fortunately NAMM has a bar every 100 feet. Better still all the bars are sponsored by Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo Tequila (if you don't know who Sammy is then please leave the site immediately, you have no place being here, you are not a musician, you never will be, ring your local TAFE and register to be an accountant or colostomy bag emptier at your local nursing home).

Cabo Wabo Tequila is a wonderful thing (but don't ask my liver for its opinion). The Metro Gnome team did end up having a specific meeting place: the main Cabo Wabo Stand. We did stick to one commandment, every time we met up, it was to be at the Cabo stand, and a top shelf Margarita must be consumed. This happened 3-4 times a day. As mentioned before we had fun. Sometimes I wasn't sure if the amps were distorted or if it was just me.

We Are All Punters At Heart

Starstruck!

Here's another simple rule, companies have endorsees, endorsees are mostly rock stars and you have many of their albums. By the way they all turn up at the NAMM show.

The amount of famous musos appearing as endorsees was just overwhelming (I keep coming back to that word). If they aren't officially doing signings and photo opportunities at a stand, then they are just generally wandering around like everyone else.

I saw more famous guitar players on Day 3 (Saturday) than in any other place in my life. Time to name drop (guitarists / bassists on one afternoon only): Joe Satriani / Steve Vai / Marty Freidman / George Lynch / Dave Mustaine / Steve Lukather / Brad Gillis / Bruce Kulick / Billy Sheehan / Peter Frampton / Michael Anthony / Yngwie Malmsteen / Nikki Sixx / Traci Gunns / Glenn Hughes / Michael Shenker / Michael Angelo / Doug Aldrich. (Ed - A free, black, rockin' The Metro Gnome T-Shirt to the first 3 readers who send in the correct names of the four guitar players in our Starstruck picture above. Editor@themetrognome.com.au)

Paul Reed Smith

There were many more but it gives you an idea, if you could be everywhere at once in the venue you would see many, many more but the sheer size of the convention centre just won't allow it.

We saw some other priceless cool stuff, how often can you wander into a stand and see Paul Reed Smith personally demo-ing his guitars to a buyer (celebrity shot - see photo inset). Experiences and surprises like that happen several times during the day.

Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle K

Ok, This was weird. It's late afternoon, I was trespassing on the BC Rich guitar stand, admiring how such a satanic godless shredding machine can cost US$5000 when it happened. It seemed like almost every member of Ronnie James Dio's band for the last 20 years wandered past me within a 5 minute period. At first I thought, "Hey it's a reunion," but no, just a disturbing coincidence. Yes, you are right most people would not have noticed, let alone cared but for me.... Cosmic.

Then again it was probably just the Cabo. It's my story and I'm sticking to it, I've told about a dozen people and no one has cared or showed interest yet. Feel good in the knowledge you are not alone.

The Big Wrap Up

Perfection

So, in conclusion, what have we learned here about the NAMM show? Probably not a lot, but if you ever have a chance go and check it out, definitely do it, we did 4 days straight and never came close to covering everything. I defy any musician to not get something out of the experience. I sure as hell loved every moment (excluding the fare from Anaheim to Long Beach in the cab). As a guitar player and fan I found the whole experience nothing short of inspiring, and I don't think I could come away with any better emotion. Thanks to my partners in crime: Wendy, Doug, and Sally for making it a week I'll never forget.

Next Month

Learn how to break into Disneyland after drinking close to a bottle of Jack Daniels and sneak on to their biggest roller coaster after closing with the staff. Something not to miss (and yeah... it actually happened, but can't say too much the mouse and his minions are always watching.)

See Ya!